Spammer jobs and daft spam

I’m sure pretty much anyone reading this who has their own blog, gets some spam comments. Slightly annoying but mostly daft. These things are either posted by people, or posted by bots running software designed to fill in your comment box. Yet it is something that someone has to fill out somewhere. Someone has to write it.

I imagine someone going for a job interview.

“We need someone who can write informative, engaging comments that promote our excellent product, on people’s blog comment boxes”

“Sure” (nodding head)

“These will be so good that the blog writer will be stopped in their tracks and want to buy our insurance. Or Viagra. That sound like you?”

“I think so. I can write engaging”

“You have any previous experience?”

“I used to send out emails advertising 20% off Cialis”

“Hey… you sound like exactly like what we are looking for, when can you start?”.

Well it might pay a few shirt buttons. I don’t know about you but I’ve had one or two jobs that weren’t all I thought they might be. So I’d guess three days after starting, the thrill of a new job has worn off. New comment box writer is beginning to regret some of the choices made. It’s only three days right, but is this really all my life amounts to? It’s only 10.00 am, I cannot take a another full day of this! Oh screw it, I’m just sending out whatever. I’m sure no-one reads this stuff. Who is this idiot Brainsplats? What does Brainsplats mean anyway? Take this Brainsplats (it results in spam like this, all taken from one day):

On my fun and slightly irrelevant post on “The 10 best drama shows of the last decade” –

“We’re a group of volunteers and opening a brand new scheme in our community. Your website offered us with helpful information to work on. You have performed an impressive activity and our whole group shall be grateful to you.”

Uh really? I can only assume that this is a new scheme to spread the word on the best drama shows to watch. They don’t want their community watching any old rubbish. They are grateful to me. They are like my church audience of tv watching opinion. Or they didn’t actually read the post.

On “Is the art of the computer game underrated – Part 3” (Parts 1 & 2 probably weren’t interesting) from our good friend, Injectable Steroids – :

“I together with my friends have already been reading through the good ideas found on the blog and so immediately developed a terrible feeling I had not expressed respect to you for those strategies. My boys had been warmed to study all of them and have in effect extremely been making the most of those things. Appreciate your simply being really helpful and then for deciding on this kind of nice information millions of individuals are really wanting to be aware of. Our own sincere apologies for not expressing gratitude to you sooner.”

Yowsers, “his boys” have warmed to study the points made. I think I shall forgo trying to imagine what that might mean. However Injectable steroids kindly points out that millions of individuals are wanting to be made aware of it. I knew I was onto something with that essay. Take that blog community. – In fact so much that it also prompted this comment too, this time from hgc drops:

“Thanks for the strategies you have provided here. Moreover, I believe usually there are some factors which keep your car insurance premium down. One is, to bear in mind buying cars that are from the good listing of car insurance corporations. Cars which are expensive are usually more at risk of being robbed. Aside from that insurance is also based on the value of the car, so the higher priced it is, then the higher the particular premium you spend.”

Um ok, so this one just loves car insurance. It cannot help it if it makes no mention at all, to what I was waffling on about and just wants to talk car insurance. Anyone might think it hasn’t read my post at all and just sent this generic rhubarb to probably thousands of sites. Oh.

I’m beginning to suspect that spam bot corp is having trouble recruiting quality writers and marketers. Oh well if this blog doesn’t work out, maybe I can apply.

I can only end on this rather clever spam post:

“When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get three e-mails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove people from that service? Cheers!”

Except this person has never commented before. That is why they are stuck in my spam filter. Clever, but not clever enough.

Lexicon word of the day: ingress.

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10 comments on “Spammer jobs and daft spam

  1. L.S. Engler says:

    I’m personally going with the theory that the bots truly are bots, and that there are no people writing them at all, just people programming the bots what to say with an algorithm of human language. The problem is that, no matter what, there’s no formula that can get a bot to truly comprehend human response, and so the result is just jilted and pretty nonsensical.

    Once they get it down how to make robots feel, though, then we’re all done for.

    In the meantime, I shall merely express my grateful to you for your strategies.

    • Elliot says:

      I’m thinking they are actually 13 year olds trying to learn a foreign language. I was useless at it. My spam would have probably been “Good morning, I am 23 and have 11 bathrooms. Can I have a ham sandwich please?” – Damn I should have put that in the post.

  2. kloipy says:

    this is too funny. I love the spam that tries to put into some context about the post you had, but then you see it’s from ‘MaleEnhancement.org’ or something

  3. crubin says:

    I’ve read on other blogs that the some spam comes from poor translation programs. Not sure if this is true, but as you’ve shown, sometimes reading the spam is as entertaining as reading the comments!

  4. Jeannie says:

    LOL! We should compare notes…:)

  5. John S says:

    Hilarious take on spam. Thanks for visiting my blog.

    • Elliot says:

      Thanks, John and also thanks for stopping by.

      I’ve been beginning my own poetry journey so its good to read some others and see how other people are doing it. – good blog you have.

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