Amusing Spam Email

As my wife might say, “Oh Man”. I thought the spam email posts were behind me, and I suspect, you hoped so too. Too bad one might say. No they are not over, I might say. There is another one here. See the other day we got an amusing email. More on that below. I thought I better bore you with a bit of background first.

At one point in time, someone, somewhere, in a far off place (possibly Nigeria, but I’m sure not the only place), sat down and had a brainstorming session on how to make some extra money. See the bakery wasn’t doing so well due to the economy (you’ve seen bridesmaids right?), and the cost of flour was rising. Probably something along the lines of – I really, really, don’t want to go get a Mcjob. Everyone there hasn’t hit twenty. Unless it’s a commercial in which case it is managed by a middle aged man in a suit, but anyway I digress. So I need another way. Preferably something where I can work from home. Hmm, Mrs me has an idea. She’s had a s******l of the d******* ****s which bought bread, or rather didn’t, from the bakery. Let’s just scam the f*****s.

I’m guessing with Mrs me’s foul language that she wasn’t a woman of high moral fibre, or perhaps that is why the bakery failed but anyway I digress again. Mrs me (not sure why I’m calling her that, she’s not my wife) came up with four ideas (if there are more, they are just copying):

  1. Send some emails stating how poor they are but have a good investment opportunity, and can they have some bank account details.
  2. Send some emails pretending to be a bank and try get some account numbers.
  3. Send an email telling the individual that we have a big fund unclaimed and we need their help to claim it. That will be sure to give us some bank details.
  4. Send out emails claiming a 20% discount on cialis viagra.
The first one is a possibility. The second one is good but probably better for someone with more web building experience. We’ll pass that one on to Bob. He’s also short of a few quid (or dollars if an American reader). On option four, we don’t have any viagra and short of having received an offer on email, have no idea how to get any. That leaves option three. I think we’ve found a sucker (or few thousand – their words) to send it to.

The other day my wife received this:

> From: test@syzy.com.cn
> Subject: GOOD DAY.
> Date: Tue, 3 Jan 2012 02:12:41 +0800
>
> Although you might be nervous about my email as we have not met before. My name is Mervyn King, I work with Bank of England; there is the sum of EURO 20,600,000.00 (Twenty Million, Six Hundred Thousand Euros) in my bank,there were no beneficiary avowed relating to these funds which means no individual would ever come frontward to claim it.
>
> The reason why I contacted you is that I want us to work together to transfer the funds out of my bank into your bank account or any other account of your choice. I will be pleased to see if you can help me and also be a good and trusted person. Once the funds have been transferred to your nominated bank account, we shall then share in the ratio of 60% for me, 40% for you. Get back to me as soon as possible via the below e-mail.
>
> I look forward to hear from you soonest.
>
> Best Regards,
> Sir.Mervyn King
> Tel: +(44) 703 188 8562
> E-mail:
> mervyn_king@gmail.com

He even supplied his own email address. No bank account details were asked for so he must be a reliable chap. Although that said I have these sneaking suspicions:

  1. He works with the bank of England. If the bank account was English I believe  the currency would be pounds and pence. (I don’t think the currency has changed since I moved out a couple of years ago). They are not on “European currency”, i.e. the Euro.
  2. He is a Sir. He might be overplaying his hand a bit. I suspect he could probably find some more reliable contact as opposed to a random one found via a random email.
  3. He works with the bank of England and cannot find a reliable means of transferring some money?

Oh it’s an illegal transfer? Oh it’s all made up. Nice try though. – Briefly going back to our earlier topic of spam comments, I seem to have gotten a lot on the earlier and original post about said spam comments. I thought you might like to share these two gems (especially the first one):

“its like you read my mind! You seem to know so much about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you can do with a few pics to drive the message home a little bit, but other than that, this is fantastic blog. An excellent read. I will certainly be back”.

“yfter all thats enounced and done I m curious to get word the amount of peoples truly realise the writer has merely revealed. Thanks”.

Enjoy!

Lexicon word of the day: asinine.

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9 comments on “Amusing Spam Email

  1. Many are more than mere spam. Source of virus and if you send it around like a chain letter, everyone one else in infected.

    • Elliot says:

      For email spam there are two things you should do 1) Never ever reply then they know the email address is valid. 2) Do not forward the email if it has an attachment as this could be a file containing a virus.

      You’re pretty safe if you cut and paste the text only and kill any hyperlinks.

  2. crubin says:

    Who would fall for such a thing? (And that is a rhetorical question, because, sadly, there are probably those who do.)

    Usually the spam I receive is quite complimentary, like the two you illustrate above, so that, although they end up in the trash bin, I feel a bit touched by their positive words. Sadly, however, today I received a more negative spam. I can’t recall it’s exact words, but it was something along the lines of “Interesting topic, but your post is lacking in…” Hurtful. Oh, so hurtful…

    • Elliot says:

      Naughty Spammers – Hey negative spam might be the way to go! Maybe if there was something along the lines of “I’m sorry but I just disagree with what you’ve said” then some people might take umbrage and “approve and reply” – “Now listen here you…”

  3. Dan says:

    A friend of mine got a Viagra/Cialis type spam e-mail with the subject line “beat her womb.” Who in their right mind would even be tempted by that? Who’s the target of that e-mail – sadistic gynecologists?

    The world of spam never fails to amuse me.

    • Elliot says:

      That’s a funny one. I don’t know who would be tempted with most of them. If you really needed Viagra, I’m not sure you would be waiting for a tempting offer to appear in your email inbox. “I’d never thought of this before but beat her womb, why I think that’s given me the motivation I need…” – bizarre.

  4. DyingNote says:

    If you’re being spammed on your WordPress blog, you could use Akismet to filter out spam comments.

    • Elliot says:

      So far they are all being picked up in the spam filter, but some are kind of amusing. Oddly the initial fun posting about spam has now drawn far more spam comments than most of the other posts combined.

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