Haiku – The distance between us

I did an earlier Haiku post where it was three poems that could be read as a larger poem. The Haiku poems each followed the classical seventeen syllable structure. The larger poem about a subject, in the previous case, Spring. Today I thought I would take this a stage further. The idea was to take a line from a song and use that as the prompt, but also the line must feature in one of the verses of the Haiku. It is not to copy the original song, certainly not more than the prompt line, and the idea is just to use it to see what I can come up with.

The song I chose in this instance was Mercury Rev’s “Goddess on a highway” (from their fabulous Deserters songs album), I was listening to this when I thought of the idea. The line was “They explode like two bugs on glass” (I removed the first word for the haiku). The poem is called “The distance between us”. It is not autobiographical in anyway, just inspired by the prompt.

Hate your stupid ways
explode like two bugs on glass
change the way we are

Calm, storm approaching
duck, dive deep, many fathoms
move common land apart

You, me, break the link
shattered mirror to us both
just you, just me, now

So the perspective changes in each verse. Slapping my own back here, I quite like the prompt idea so I may attempt a few more of these. Here is the Mercury Rev song (there is a link to the album on Amazon above):

Lexicon word of the day: Umbra.


5 comments on “Haiku – The distance between us

  1. rtd14 says:

    I like the second Haiku, particularly the first line. I think storms and skies are like the jelly to the peanut butter that is the Haiku. At least some of the best Haikus I’ve ever read are about skies, storms and nature. Good job!

  2. crubin says:

    I admire those of you who can write poetry. Definitely not my forte!

    And what a great song. Thanks for introducing me to that band. It appears they’ve been around for awhile, but I’ve never heard of them.

    • Elliot says:

      Thanks Carrie. I’m not going to claim to be a poetry writer and certainly no expert. I had not even heard of Haiku until a few months ago. I figured Haiku looked straight forward enough to have a go and then I progressed to having a go at a larger thing. And to be perfectly honest, I didn’t even like poetry until then! It’s an unexpected bonus of doing the blog.

      The Mercury Rev album that song is from is arguably their best album. It’s a real good one.

  3. My uncle had an umbra on his left side. They took it out and he may return to work soon.

  4. leiulf says:

    Great job! I first heard Mercury Rev on the compilation “Crash Course for the Ravers” (Memory of a Free Festival) released here in Portland, OR in 1996.
    I too enjoy the “cut up” technique. I used it in 1978, cutting up 4 Bowie songs to tell the story of the “Origin of Starduster” in Comic book format. To read the original comic, click on the word “earlier” in the post.

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