And the point of this with your car is ..?

Have you ever thought about the ridiculous things people do with their car? Nope, me either, until earlier this week when my wife and I were out and about. She went on a rant about several things people do with their cars, that annoy her. And you know what? Being the caring husband that I am, I consoled her with some meaningless words, a few nods of the head, and promptly jotted the points down. But before I get into trouble, I should add that she wasn’t referring to ridiculous external customisations. We all know how daft they can be, just look on google and type “stupid car customisations” to see some. These are other things that don’t make a lot os sense. Now if you happen to be responsible for some of these, you can use that comment box somewhere below to apologise.

1. Stuffed animals in the back window

So what exactly do these add to your journey other than an inability to see where you are going when reversing? All these do is put Grandmas in danger at the local supermarket, who think that at their age, they don’t have to look out for cars anymore, they can look out for her. Do you think they say you are cute? Well they don’t. Who thinks a furry dog in the back of a musty Toyota Corolla looks cute. Perverts who hang out down the park, thats who. The best thing you can do is provide yourself with some visibility when driving so we can all go home feeling that bit safer. Which leads me to the next point.

2. Tissues in the back window

What exactly is the point of leaving a box of tissues in front of the back window? When exactly is that in a comfortable position for you to use them? Perhaps if you’re cruising along and feel a sneeze coming on, you can slam on the brakes letting the box fly forward and land on the dashboard? They are not even in a comfy position for someone in the back seat to get a hold of. They are of use to precisely no-one. What do you say when someone says I need to wipe my nose, do you have a tissue? Pull over and let them clamber over the back seat? Call for Mr Tickle?

Click on the picture to be taken to the site which shows which super expensive car these cheapo tissues are sitting in.

3. Pillows on the back seats

Do these make you feel more comfortable? Do you believe it is merely an extension of tarting up your sofa at home? I might suggest that they are there because you think you might get laid, presumably with some class, on the back seats, but my mother in law has some, so I wouldn’t suggest that. Although on the other hand, some years back, one of my brothers and I were in Turkey and were introduced to a friend of a friend. He was in his mid twenties. He had an old Mercedes, with some fitted curtains on a little rail that could be pulled closed along the back window. I don’t recall if he had any pillows, but presumably the curtains were not there to block out the sun. Had it been recent I could have taken a picture with my phone. Now that car was classy.

4. Dedications plastered on the side

I could be in danger of insulting someone here, but dedications, to a dead relative / friend on the side of your car? Is a battered old Honda civic really a good tribute to a fallen comrade? Although it occurs to me now that it is, only if the car had belonged to that person. Otherwise, what sort of sales pitch do you give when you want to sell the car? Can’t you think of a better way to do it ?

5. Stupid bumper stickers

Do I want to know your political views when I am stuck in LA traffic? No. I don’t even know you. Why is a stupid bumper sticker going to change my mind. Am I that brain dead that a bumper sticker is going to tell me how I should vote. On the other hand, when I’ve been stuck in LA traffic for 3 hours…

Plus not all bumper stickers are that bad, not that I would want one of course. Check this one (and click on it for more examples).

6. Customised Registration / License plates.

To which I say what is the point? Why do I need to know what your name is when we’re passing each other at the traffic lights. I don’t care who you are. Especially now I’m married.

I saw one once that said “IM DORI”. – Yeah and what? Or try “INTHBAG”, from a basketball fan perhaps, or just referring to where their personality is stored?

I seem to see a lot of these living in Southern California and truth be told they are not all bad.  Just today I saw a sporty car with the plate “HLDTITE”, who promptly sped past us on the freeway. In the past I’ve seen one that said “3boys4 <heart symbol>”. Three boys for love anyone? And for what sort of love would that be huh?  But my all time favourite was, “WHATUPG”. Unfortunately it was on a crappy old car, which made the joke much the funnier.

Lexicon word of the day: lissom.


23 comments on “And the point of this with your car is ..?

  1. GJ Scobie says:

    Brilliant. I’ve just seen someone coming towards me when I was out at lunchtime with a Great Dane in the backseat. You imagine the damage that would cause – aside from killing the dog – if he had to do an emergency stop at 30mph. Unbelievable some people. Great post!

    • Elliot says:

      You just made me remember that a couple of weeks ago we were travelling down one of the freeways here, and a large blonde looking dog was hanging out of one of the back windows. That was bad enough, but when the car sped past we could see there was an identical one hanging out of the other side. Totally dangerous, but also funny.

  2. I love stuff like this. I have seen most of these items, but must say I like to see cars with bumper stickers because then I can figure out what kind of person is driving that car. Like, a couple of American flag decals along with a McCain/Palin bumper sticker on a Ford 150. Think I’ve got a good idea? All that vehicle needs is a gunrack. Sorry, if I offend anyone with my gross generalization but I do this. A lot. This is a great post!

    • Elliot says:

      Thanks Lynn – I think many of us generalise. If I see anyone with a bumber sticker I tend to think, “probably best avoided”.

  3. Jeannie says:

    No pillows, or back dash tissue boxes, stuffed animals or curtains (although that is a thought–home away from home!); but, I do have a bumper sticker that says “I brake for elk” Where I live this is important…;) Good post!

  4. crubin says:

    Very funny! And I agree with you on all counts. Loved the tissue one. Talk about risking an accident to reach for one of those babies. I would add that there is also no need for big huge fuzzy dice hanging from one’s rearview mirror.

    Thanks for some good laughs.

    • Elliot says:

      Thanks Carrie. I had not even given these too much thought until my wife went on a big rant whilst we were out the other day. She just reeled off a list of them.

      I agree the furry dice is a bit silly, but they are now like a classic British thing from the seventies and early eighties. I’m not sure what the point ever was.

  5. Smaktakula says:

    This is great. I especially agree regarding bumper stickers–particularly political ones. Is there a better way to advertise your stupidity?
    I have a little more tolerance for dedications though. I don’t like to tell anybody how to grieve.

    • Elliot says:

      Yeah the dedications are a bit more acceptable. Living in Southern California, I’ve seen some on real wrecks of cars that made me think they could have been better elsewhere, but on the other hand, I didn’t know the person so maybe it fit.

  6. L.S. Engler says:

    I know I had a lot of bumper stickers on my first car back in high school, but right now, my only offenses are the Cheshire cat on my dashboard, and a unicorn and my graduation tassels on my rear-view mirror. They’ve been there so long, I can’t imagine driving without them.

    I came across a saying once that suggested that the driver’s insanity went up exponentially with each bumper stickers. I can see the merit in that. But I have to admit, I was tempted to get a lot of decals for my window at C2E2. And I would not be opposed to a “My other vehicle is a TARDIS” sticker if I saw one, either.

    • Elliot says:

      I’m pretty sure you can get the Tardis one!

      Do you have netflix streaming? There are are bunch of old Dr Who episodes on there (plus most of the recent ones). I’m interested to know what you would think of the older episodes with John Pertwee or Tom Baker as the Dr.

  7. Lol, oooo, errrrr, *shrinks into seat*

    I have a personalised plate lol


  8. sheilaklewis says:

    Just got this from a friend, and had to respond. I wrote a similar list of why or why not to blog, or to prologue, on my blog,
    I thought your reasons were all so true. When it comes down to it, we blog for the same reasons we write, and some of it is avoidance from doing “real” writing or other work, and some keeps us sharp and surprised, and hopefully, will be of a little interest to others. Keep at it, and thanks, Sheila

    • Elliot says:

      I think there is a bit of avoidance from “real” writing for me, but doing the blog got me back into the swing of writing again. I now get on with something everyday and think / create a lot more. I just need to transfer this to other projects now.

      Thanks for your comment and dropping by.

  9. Dan says:

    I’m a huge anti-fan of personalized license plates, mostly because trying to figure out most of the is impossible to people not acquainted with the driver. I always feel like they should have an bumper sticker with the answer key on it.

  10. Hey Elliot I love what yoou’ve got here and I think I’m going to write one like this myself. I’ll link into this post in it too if you dont mind 🙂

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