Have you ever thought about the ridiculous things people do with their car? Nope, me either, until earlier this week when my wife and I were out and about. She went on a rant about several things people do with their cars, that annoy her. And you know what? Being the caring husband that I am, I consoled her with some meaningless words, a few nods of the head, and promptly jotted the points down. But before I get into trouble, I should add that she wasn’t referring to ridiculous external customisations. We all know how daft they can be, just look on google and type “stupid car customisations” to see some. These are other things that don’t make a lot os sense. Now if you happen to be responsible for some of these, you can use that comment box somewhere below to apologise.
1. Stuffed animals in the back window
So what exactly do these add to your journey other than an inability to see where you are going when reversing? All these do is put Grandmas in danger at the local supermarket, who think that at their age, they don’t have to look out for cars anymore, they can look out for her. Do you think they say you are cute? Well they don’t. Who thinks a furry dog in the back of a musty Toyota Corolla looks cute. Perverts who hang out down the park, thats who. The best thing you can do is provide yourself with some visibility when driving so we can all go home feeling that bit safer. Which leads me to the next point.
2. Tissues in the back window
What exactly is the point of leaving a box of tissues in front of the back window? When exactly is that in a comfortable position for you to use them? Perhaps if you’re cruising along and feel a sneeze coming on, you can slam on the brakes letting the box fly forward and land on the dashboard? They are not even in a comfy position for someone in the back seat to get a hold of. They are of use to precisely no-one. What do you say when someone says I need to wipe my nose, do you have a tissue? Pull over and let them clamber over the back seat? Call for Mr Tickle?
3. Pillows on the back seats
Do these make you feel more comfortable? Do you believe it is merely an extension of tarting up your sofa at home? I might suggest that they are there because you think you might get laid, presumably with some class, on the back seats, but my mother in law has some, so I wouldn’t suggest that. Although on the other hand, some years back, one of my brothers and I were in Turkey and were introduced to a friend of a friend. He was in his mid twenties. He had an old Mercedes, with some fitted curtains on a little rail that could be pulled closed along the back window. I don’t recall if he had any pillows, but presumably the curtains were not there to block out the sun. Had it been recent I could have taken a picture with my phone. Now that car was classy.
4. Dedications plastered on the side
I could be in danger of insulting someone here, but dedications, to a dead relative / friend on the side of your car? Is a battered old Honda civic really a good tribute to a fallen comrade? Although it occurs to me now that it is, only if the car had belonged to that person. Otherwise, what sort of sales pitch do you give when you want to sell the car? Can’t you think of a better way to do it ?
5. Stupid bumper stickers
Do I want to know your political views when I am stuck in LA traffic? No. I don’t even know you. Why is a stupid bumper sticker going to change my mind. Am I that brain dead that a bumper sticker is going to tell me how I should vote. On the other hand, when I’ve been stuck in LA traffic for 3 hours…
Plus not all bumper stickers are that bad, not that I would want one of course. Check this one (and click on it for more examples).
6. Customised Registration / License plates.
To which I say what is the point? Why do I need to know what your name is when we’re passing each other at the traffic lights. I don’t care who you are. Especially now I’m married.
I saw one once that said “IM DORI”. – Yeah and what? Or try “INTHBAG”, from a basketball fan perhaps, or just referring to where their personality is stored?
I seem to see a lot of these living in Southern California and truth be told they are not all bad. Just today I saw a sporty car with the plate “HLDTITE”, who promptly sped past us on the freeway. In the past I’ve seen one that said “3boys4 <heart symbol>”. Three boys for love anyone? And for what sort of love would that be huh? But my all time favourite was, “WHATUPG”. Unfortunately it was on a crappy old car, which made the joke much the funnier.
Lexicon word of the day: lissom.