We don’t need the police, just these guys…

I’ve probably been watching too much late night tv on the hub, but the other night an idea struck me. In a shrinking economy with cutbacks, I know where we can save money. We don’t need the police, we just need these guys. Now hold on a minute, don’t run away just yet. I know it was late night, but here is what  I was thinking.

Back in old sixties Gotham, Commissioner Gordon must be the most useless, most dumb commissioner of all time. His police force don’t patrol the streets, dashing to emergencies and attempting to catch criminals, you know, before they can escape a crime scene. He doesn’t have detectives hunting for clues, questioning perps, and talking to witnesses, or even just trying to detect clues. His police force do absolutely nothing. So little in fact, that Chief O’hara just hangs round by his side whilst they converse about the weather and wonder about the world outside. If a bank get’s robbed the first thing Chief O’Hara should do is get some guys down there. Here’s what would happen if I was O’Hara:

Me: “Erm, a banks been robbed, there could be millions gone. Shouldn’t we get get some guys down there Commissioner Gordon?”

Gordon: “Um let me think… nope, let’s just give Batman a call”

Me: “What you are going to send nobody? Not a single officer to preserve the scene?, No-one to make sure the witnesses don’t leave?”

Gordon “Haven’t you got the kettle on? Where’s my mid morning tea and biscuits?” (Gordon picks up the handy direct line to Batman…)

A week or so ago I saw an episode where Bruce Wayne and Dick (you know, Robin) were appearing on a morning TV show. Some fiendish being, played a trick of some sort on the presenter of the show rendering him speechless. He was promptly carted off. Bruce (you know, Batman), covered the microphones with his hands and informed Dick that Commissioner Gordon watches this show, he was sure to be on the phone. With that in mind, they got up and left. Sure enough as they entered Wayne Mansions, The Commissioner was on the phone. That is the Commissioner, who spends his busy mornings watching a chat TV show instead of managing the police force. It is so serious that when Batman is not around he doesn’t know what to do, just like on this clip here (worth it for the expression on his face when he realises he has to do some work):

The good thing is Batman and Robin are equipped for any situation. Forget for a moment that they have only lap belts in a rocket powered car, as can be seen here.

No need for shoulder straps with the Rocket assisted car?

Or that they have to label everything like two old men with Alzheimer’s trying to navigate their kitchen (frequently with signs longer than the item).

What does this do again?

Or that whilst climbing walls to solve a crime, they don’t seem to be in a hurry and frequently stop for conversation, as can be seen here:

Because they have gadgets like this… Attacked by a shark, don’t worry, hand me the Shark repellant:

They have so many gadgets that they are covered for almost any situation. Check out how long this list is here (hint: it is far too long to copy and paste here). Anyone who has watched the show, will know they are capable of getting out of any kind of dodgy situation they are tied up in.

Erm… I’m not sure what is going on here

And are more than capable of dealing with this lot:

Anyone for a Halloween party?

See Easy, no need for Police any more. On the other hand, me just need sleep. Perhaps like this bear after being unfortunate enough to stumble upon, and have a go at, the Hulk. Watch what happens to him.

Me thinks he has a headache.

Actually it just dawned on me that Commissioner Gordon isn’t the dumbest, but the smartest commissioner ever. He has a job where he has to do nothing, gets to watch tv, and eat tea and biscuits all day. I think I might be the fool. Look at what happened to Gotham after he left:

A sunny day in Gotham?

Lexicon word of the day: inerrant.


18 comments on “We don’t need the police, just these guys…

  1. planettwentytwo says:

    Hahaha! So many valid points. I don’t remember seeing the cops do anything in that series. I’ve always wanted to see how a 60’s style Batman and Robin would handle a modern day Gotham with Heath Legder’s Joker.

    • Elliot says:

      A quick round of “Sock” and “Pow” and even that joker would have to give it up. That would likely be helped by him rolling about on the floor laughing once those two turned up.

  2. jmmcdowell says:

    Ah, nothing like a good laugh to start off the morning. 🙂 You’d think with all that time on his hands, he might have figured out his daughter was up to something…. 😉

    • Elliot says:

      Good point, I forgot to mention that. Still, he is easily fooled by those costumes, so I suspect that it wouldn’t even cross his mind.

  3. crubin says:

    I tend to agree that Commissioner Gordon has got the right idea. I’d love to watch TV and eat biscuits all day, even if it meant I had to stare at men in tights…

  4. Margarita says:

    I LOVED this show as a kid! When the Batman movie came out (yes, eons ago!) I really, really wanted to see it, but my dad was having none of it…then we got into a discussion about how many states in the U.S. (we didn’t live in the U.S. then) and my dad said if I could name all 50 states, my siblings and I could go see the movie AND I could get the next three books in the series I was reading. I did. We did. Thanks for reminding me! 🙂

    • Elliot says:

      You’re welcome, did you enjoy the film when you did see it? Watching it now I think it’s a little rubbish, (apart from the shark attack obviously) and I like watching the show again.

      • Margarita says:

        Are you kidding me? When I saw it in 1966/7 it was GREAT! Totally loved it! Today…not so much, except for the memories it invokes! 🙂 What a difference a couple of years makes! (or maybe a few decades…but who’s counting?)

  5. Mrs Wier had a color TV. Right there in her living room just like the movie theater. Every Thursday night I think it was she had all the kids come over to watch Batman. We were thrilled because in was in color just like the movies.

  6. robincoyle says:

    This made me laugh out loud. I was in grammar school when the show Batman and Robin was on TV. I’m sure you can imaging the teasing I endured. “Hey Robin, where’s batman?’ Ha ha. Very funny. I tell you, it got OLD fast.

  7. robincoyle says:

    One should proof before one hits “post comment.” Drat.

    • Elliot says:

      I did a Psychology degree, and I recall a lot of experiments demonstrating how the brain puts things together or filters out mistakes. You might have seen the sort of thing, where there will be several repeated words, but your brain filters them out and you don’t really see them. I had to read your response several times before the word popped out, because my brain was correcting it. Odd but interesting.

      Anyhoo, glad you liked the post.

  8. Eric Alagan says:

    I recall the scene where Batman threw a thick phone directory into a ‘slot’ in the ‘computer’ and that wonder machine spewed out all the addresses – we still don’t have such a machine…speak of being ahead of his time…

  9. Smaktakula says:

    I’m sure that commissioner Gordon, a good American, drinks coffee rather than T.
    Also, according to Burt Ward (and I read this myself in an interview with Burt ‘Robin’ Ward, so while I can’t vouch for Ward’s truthfulness, this is no urban legend), the Catholic Legion of Decency was alarmed by the size of Robin’s indecent ‘bulge,’ and someone provided him pills to temporarily shrink himself up.

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