I’ve probably been watching too much late night tv on the hub, but the other night an idea struck me. In a shrinking economy with cutbacks, I know where we can save money. We don’t need the police, we just need these guys. Now hold on a minute, don’t run away just yet. I know it was late night, but here is what I was thinking.
Back in old sixties Gotham, Commissioner Gordon must be the most useless, most dumb commissioner of all time. His police force don’t patrol the streets, dashing to emergencies and attempting to catch criminals, you know, before they can escape a crime scene. He doesn’t have detectives hunting for clues, questioning perps, and talking to witnesses, or even just trying to detect clues. His police force do absolutely nothing. So little in fact, that Chief O’hara just hangs round by his side whilst they converse about the weather and wonder about the world outside. If a bank get’s robbed the first thing Chief O’Hara should do is get some guys down there. Here’s what would happen if I was O’Hara:
Me: “Erm, a banks been robbed, there could be millions gone. Shouldn’t we get get some guys down there Commissioner Gordon?”
Gordon: “Um let me think… nope, let’s just give Batman a call”
Me: “What you are going to send nobody? Not a single officer to preserve the scene?, No-one to make sure the witnesses don’t leave?”
Gordon “Haven’t you got the kettle on? Where’s my mid morning tea and biscuits?” (Gordon picks up the handy direct line to Batman…)
A week or so ago I saw an episode where Bruce Wayne and Dick (you know, Robin) were appearing on a morning TV show. Some fiendish being, played a trick of some sort on the presenter of the show rendering him speechless. He was promptly carted off. Bruce (you know, Batman), covered the microphones with his hands and informed Dick that Commissioner Gordon watches this show, he was sure to be on the phone. With that in mind, they got up and left. Sure enough as they entered Wayne Mansions, The Commissioner was on the phone. That is the Commissioner, who spends his busy mornings watching a chat TV show instead of managing the police force. It is so serious that when Batman is not around he doesn’t know what to do, just like on this clip here (worth it for the expression on his face when he realises he has to do some work):
The good thing is Batman and Robin are equipped for any situation. Forget for a moment that they have only lap belts in a rocket powered car, as can be seen here.
Or that they have to label everything like two old men with Alzheimer’s trying to navigate their kitchen (frequently with signs longer than the item).
Or that whilst climbing walls to solve a crime, they don’t seem to be in a hurry and frequently stop for conversation, as can be seen here:
Because they have gadgets like this… Attacked by a shark, don’t worry, hand me the Shark repellant:
They have so many gadgets that they are covered for almost any situation. Check out how long this list is here (hint: it is far too long to copy and paste here). Anyone who has watched the show, will know they are capable of getting out of any kind of dodgy situation they are tied up in.
And are more than capable of dealing with this lot:
See Easy, no need for Police any more. On the other hand, me just need sleep. Perhaps like this bear after being unfortunate enough to stumble upon, and have a go at, the Hulk. Watch what happens to him.
Me thinks he has a headache.
Actually it just dawned on me that Commissioner Gordon isn’t the dumbest, but the smartest commissioner ever. He has a job where he has to do nothing, gets to watch tv, and eat tea and biscuits all day. I think I might be the fool. Look at what happened to Gotham after he left:
Lexicon word of the day: inerrant.