10 things from a 100 years into the future

Yeah so anyway, I was noodling about in my time machine, kind of like a Dr Who in shorts and T-shirt, and without chasing monsters and what not, and I thought there must be a way to bring some of this to you, the people of 2012. Well yeah, and you know, I have the blog in this time period so I might as well use that. Now in order to give you some more context, because you likely won’t believe those opening sentences, lets say a few months ago on Facebook, or one of those social network things, I saw this meme taken from a newspaper article from a hundred years ago, and the interesting “predictions” that it got right. Kind of interesting, check it out. Maybe someone you know wrote it. So I figured it was time for an update. Here is ten things from a hundred years in the future:

Yup, that’s what it looks like.
(Image Source: Microsoft Clip art)

  1. The latest computers which will be called brain noodles, or likely won’t be, will be thousands of times more powerful than todays fitting into something you can barely see in the palm of your hand. In fact it will fit into your hand literally, or in your head, and you’ll communicate with brain waves. You’ll still have to download software updates often, and that will still give some people a headache.
  2. Having gone through a mammoth energy crisis due to the decline in oil, and not enough initial investment in new energy sources, most electricity will be self generated via home generation. Renewable energy units will be not too dissimilar from “Mr Fusion” in Back to the Future, and do clever things with waste disposal. The majority of the rest of the electricity e.g. street lighting, public transport will also be mostly from renewable resources. The amusing thing is that Diapers (nappies for the UK folks), currently an environmental hazard, will oddly generate the most energy. Especially those with a large present in them. Best feed up that child for more free energy.
  3. Cars will fly, sort of. No really they will, but they won’t be called cars. It will allow humans to get closer to the atmosphere to drop ozone destroying gasses there. Sort of. Except they won’t run on Gas (Petrol for the UK folks). It will be something else which I don’t want to name for fear of giving the game away. These vehicles will be more fuel efficient, getting a whole 19.578% miles per gallon more than the average car of now.
  4. Toilet trained cats. No more emptying the cat crapper. If you thought number one on this list sounded impressive, wait until you get a load of how some genius decided he could take no more of his cat dumping a load and not covering it up with that smell stopping litter stuff, YOU HEAR THAT CAT? So he implanted one of those chips into his cat. It could go to the toilet on its own. And even flush the thing. And put on a new toilet roll. And close the bathroom door afterwards. Everyone wanted one, it was like the ipad of cats. You can get an in app purchase, where it will also put the toilet seat down.
  5. Diapers will bio-degrade with activation by chemicals in faeces or urine. This means you have to recycle them quickly, as in point number two above. Um, probably want to make sure that your child gets a regular change every few hours. Oh how we laughed after that long car journey. Well my wife didn’t, it was her turn to clear it up.
  6. Life expectancy will be over 100 with medical advances. Older people get even more patronising to us young folk.
  7. The world will be overpopulated. Well what do you think happens when life expectancy increases? Many people would have died some 30-40 years earlier due to a succession of natural disasters having taken place around the world, thanks in part to how we are happily ignorant to destroying the ozone layer, and generally warming up the world. This sounds contradictory, but the means of feeding people have decreased also, so it is a relative point, and a somewhat depressing one huh?
  8. Which actually means as a follow on from the previous point, that more foods and vegetables will be home grown due to the overpopulation of the world and the need to be able to sustain more of your own resources. You avoided the flooding, but how good is your high rise place now huh?
  9. But on a more positive note, for those survivors who can feed themselves, they can still use the internet version 8.9. Oh that’s not the point I meant. Technologies will allow your own body parts to be regrown via your own cells. You could grow a third leg if you want. Most people don’t do that as it doesn’t allow you to run any faster. And um, growing “the other” third leg is unpredictable, sometimes it is larger, but sometimes smaller.
  10. Music will make a big comeback in peoples lives as the quality will be so good, that the clarity of the instruments being heard give people “funny feelings”. The music of today will sound a bit rough round the edges in comparison. The “youth” will still be listening to “unlistenable nonsense”. The Rolling Stones will still be releasing records. Bob Dylan also, with “the basement tapes 72”.

So there you go. This will be like the a great mayan prophecy to some geek who finds it on the old version of the internet and posts it around on brain noodle book, for his friends to get thirty seconds of amusement out of. Attention spans of the future…. who has them? Anyhoo, I’ve got a robot to chase. Catch you laters…

Lexicon word of the day: gallimaufry.

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30 comments on “10 things from a 100 years into the future

  1. Future Shock, Megatends, Third Wave and The Hidden Persuaders were 4 books that had their futurism well understood.

  2. DyingNote says:

    Uh, bleak. And we’ll survive 100 years from now.

  3. Margarita says:

    Actually, cats can be toilet trained even today. How about we make kitty crap another source of renewable energy, just like dirty diapers? Old people patronizing? Really? I don’t see myself as adopting any patriarchal (or matriarchal, for that matter) tendencies…we’ll see! LMAO! xoM

    • Elliot says:

      I would say our cat is toilet trained to the extent that it will always try to get to the box. Whilst 95% of the time this works, the other 5% is um “mixed results”.

      On the age front, I wasn’t referring to anyone on the blog scene you will be pleased to know. It is kind of a running joke for me that point!

  4. Carrie Rubin says:

    I think for life expectancy to be that long, we’ll have to get a handle on this obesity problem first. Today’s kids are expected to be the first generation of children to live shorter lives than their parents. But I do suspect we might see a “flying” car or two. 🙂

    By the way, my son just started watching the new Doctor Who series–he got some season one discs from the library. It seems suitable for a 12 year old. Would you agree? (Or maybe you haven’t seen the series?)

    • Elliot says:

      This generation yes, but no doubt some medical boffin will invent a convenient escape route in the next 100 years. People can then justify not exercising and eating unhealthily again.

      A 12 year old should be fine with Dr Who. My nephew is 8 or 9 and he watches it and loves it. People of my generation and the one before grew up on the older Dr Who. He might well love it. You might watch it and think, it is quite good but a bit silly. I think that but watch it mainly out of nostalgia. There is an episode in the second or possibly third season which if he gets to it you ought to watch also. I think it is called “blink”.

      • Carrie Rubin says:

        I’d love to watch it with him based on some of the things he’s told me–just not enough hours in the day. But I’ll be on the look out for that episode. Thanks for the info. I appreciate it. Usually I always preview what he watches, but I’ve heard so much about Doctor Who, I figured it would be okay.

      • Elliot says:

        Yeah I think you are safe. With the writing background you would probably find the odd conclusion to be a bit convenient, but then you remind yourself it is a family show. Well maybe excluding young kids 🙂

  5. jmmcdowell says:

    You are more optimistic about civilization lasting another 100 years than I am. 😉

  6. I like the name Brain Noodles. I hope that your vision of toilet-trained cats comes true, I think that would be nice. And I’m sure environmentalists and parents everywhere would enjoy the idea of biodegradable diapers. I often do wonder about when they’ll start using stem cells to clone body parts for replacements, transplants, etc. Also, I love Dr. Who.

    • Elliot says:

      When I see your picture of the cat I always think that cat would be perfect for a game I invented for Big Brother. Basically the contestants have to run across the garden to retrieve their weekly shop. On a roof nearby would be a sniper. You can see where I am going right..?

      I don’t think the stem cell thing will be too far off, it just takes a while to test these things.

      I grew up on the original run of dr who. Well not the first ten or so years as I wasn’t old enough, although I did catch some reruns. I always wondered what it would be like for people who are watching the newer ones as their first experience of Dr Who. If you have Netflix I think there are some older ones on there.

      • I saw Dr. Who when I was a kid because my dad watched it. John Pertwee is still his favorite Doctor to this day. But I actually do like the current Doctor, even though the show now has a very different feel to it from the originals. And I really wish I could talk like the Daleks.

        I like where you’re going with that Big Brother idea, too. If I were the director of programming at whatever network airs it, I’d hire you.

      • Elliot says:

        I saw a lot of Pertwee reruns when I was little. I also knew him from a show called Worzel Gummidge so it was more novelty. I think they did a season where he was trapped on earth for a while to save money on the budget. You might recall he was friends with some army commander who I think they made reference to recently. His daughter was some high ranking official.

        I think I know a bit too much about Dr Who.

      • There are far worse things than knowing too much about Dr. Who. And personally I think there should be some sort of kitchy Dr. Who-themed pub with a fancy orange juice & vodka cocktail called a Sonic Screwdriver.

  7. #1 is intriguing. Though if my brain freezes up as much as my software has in the past, cars are going to be even more dangerous. 😉

  8. I personally am excited for the advent of an overpopulation induced apocalypse – if only so I can vicariously use a rifle to keep people out of my vegetable patch. It will be less enticing if we have to use some sort of bio-organic-crapper, that would kind of take the edge off rifle ownership. P.S. That meme from back in the day is cool!

  9. Smaktakula says:

    Another great vocabulary word that I’d yet to hear.
    I love your predictions, although I think you’re altogether too sanguine about music making a comeback.. I’m afraid it’s just gonna get crappier and crappier as I get older (and as such, ever more patronizing).

  10. Ann Marquez says:

    😀

  11. wade says:

    ummm a what about ww3 world war 3

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