The monday mess is in a bit of a mess. Got to celebrate 50 years of Bond in some way right? Problem is, it came out in the UK a week ago last friday, and in the U.S. this friday. Plus this is a monday. Hmm… Well anyhoo, this loosely being a writing themed blog, I thought I would focus in on some “classic” cheesy / fun / toe-curling lines. Here are seven classics:
1) The Film: The world is not enough
– The Scenario & line: Incredibly Denise Richards is cast a a nuclear physicist, almost as unbelievable as the daft as the name she is given, “Christmas Jones”. Yeah that Denise Richards and yeah, that name. Bond clearly a man of experience supposes her talents lie elsewhere. So naturally she ends up in bed with Bond. After some Hollywood style bed-sheet movement James sweet talks her with the line, “I thought Christmas only comes once a year”.
– Why it’s “cool”: They really ought to have told Denise to deliver all the science sounding lines like her boob implants were about to fall out. They didn’t. I think this line must be some kind of revenge. Or it’s just a clunker.
2) The Film: Tomorrow never dies
– The Scenario & Line: Bond clearly a man of experience, is giving the wise word to Moneypenny (the secret service secretary) about his Scandinavian language tutor. Bond quips, “I always enjoyed learning a new tongue.” Moneypenny replies, “You always were a cunning linguist, James.”
– Why it’s “cool”: Well it is not really is it? It is a bit of a toe curler. Moneypenny needs to get out more. Don’t worry, the lines get a lot better, like this next one.
3) The Film: Moonraker
– The Scenario & Line: Bond in a joint mission with the Americans has just defeated the bad guy and thwarted evil plans to do something or other in space. I don’t really care what. They’ve recently left space and landed back on earth, in the ocean somewhere. The authorities from both governments attempt to congratulate Bond, making visual contact with him and female companion, Dr. Holly Goodhead (she has knowledge on how to give good, erm, space systems). Bond clearly a man of experience realises it might be time to find out how else the good Dr might have gotten her name. This seen somewhat in heat signature technology by the government officials. The British Minister of Defence asks, “My God, what’s Bond doing?” Q his tech scientist sideman responds, “I think he’s attempting re-entry, sir.”
– Why it’s “cool”: What a perfect line to say to your boss. Q must have been desperately holding a fist pump in. Oh hang on, he’s a Brit and we don’t do that sort of thing.
4) The Film: For Your eyes only
– The Scenario & Line: Bond chases a bad guy, catching up with him as his car hangs precariously over a cliff. To dispatch him, Bond kicks the car’s tire and it falls off the cliff with the bad guy still inside. Bond remarks to himself, “He had no head for heights.”
– Why it’s “cool”: Bond cannot simply kill a guy without giving it a kiss off line, even if no-one is there to hear it. It’s like he lives his life in a film or something.
5) The Film: The Spy who loved me
– The Scenario & Line: Bond clearly a man of experience, is discovered by his boss having sex with rogue agent Anya, and is asked, “Bond! What do you think you’re doing?” Bond barely missing a beat replies, “Keeping the British end up, sir.”
– Why it’s “cool”: Bond is calmly explaining why it is his job to stop bad guys taking over the world, and not to put too fine a point on it, killing people. He is saying to his boss, that one must take the good as well as the bad..
6) The Film: Diamonds are forever.
– The Scenario & Line: Bond in a Casino meets an attractive woman. She introduces herself with this exchange:
Her: “Hi, I’m Plenty”
Bond: “But of course you are”
Her: “Plenty O Toole”
Bond (pauses): “Named after your father, perhaps?”
– Why it’s “cool”: What is not cool about that response, to a name like that? This might be my favourite ever line. You can watch all 10 seconds of it here.
7) The Film: Diamonds are forever (again)
– The Scenario & Line: Bond clearly a man of experience has the aforementioned Plenty O Toole back at the hotel ready for a bit more experience. Plenty strips to her underwear, and walks into the bedroom. Bond picks up her dress and turns around to find some bad guys are pointing guns at him. Bond responds with: “Well, I’m afraid you’ve caught me with more than my hands up.”
– Why it’s “cool”: A lesson in how to keep calm and assess your position in every situation.
This being Monday, now for the accompanying Nonet:
Nonet = Nine lines, first line with nine syllables and dropping a syllable each line until the final ninth line has only one. It is sort of related to the above, and sort of not.
James Bond. He kills with more than a gun
Always a line for a tight spot
Nobody does it better
or sometimes even worse
likes pretty ladies
don’t get attached
I managed to keep a line from last weeks nonet, a tiny writing exercise which I’m sure amuses no-one but me. Of course the third line references the Carly Simon sung theme song from the spy who loved me. Below is a Youtube link to a scene from the same film, perhaps my favourite stunt in a Bond film, involving Bond skiing off a cliff. If you have time, check it out, and remember, some stunt guy did this jump for real.
Have a nice week, and check back on friday for the music map post related to last friday’s fiction post.
Lexicon word of the day: dekko.