The Monday Mess – Pah, Search terms – 4 Feb 2013


Humor me here if you will. Try the following Nonet:

The internet is full of knowledge

Of that we can all be so sure

but do I try improve my brain?

check sports scores? or erm, porn?

no, there is another

question to answer

Oh Google

here I


And in the spirit of a cheap ass monday post here is some ways the search above found its way to my blog over the last month or two.

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We don’t need the police, just these guys…

I’ve probably been watching too much late night tv on the hub, but the other night an idea struck me. In a shrinking economy with cutbacks, I know where we can save money. We don’t need the police, we just need these guys. Now hold on a minute, don’t run away just yet. I know it was late night, but here is what  I was thinking.

Back in old sixties Gotham, Commissioner Gordon must be the most useless, most dumb commissioner of all time. His police force don’t patrol the streets, dashing to emergencies and attempting to catch criminals, you know, before they can escape a crime scene. He doesn’t have detectives hunting for clues, questioning perps, and talking to witnesses, or even just trying to detect clues. His police force do absolutely nothing. So little in fact, that Chief O’hara just hangs round by his side whilst they converse about the weather and wonder about the world outside. If a bank get’s robbed the first thing Chief O’Hara should do is get some guys down there. Here’s what would happen if I was O’Hara:

Me: “Erm, a banks been robbed, there could be millions gone. Shouldn’t we get get some guys down there Commissioner Gordon?”

Gordon: “Um let me think… nope, let’s just give Batman a call”

Me: “What you are going to send nobody? Not a single officer to preserve the scene?, No-one to make sure the witnesses don’t leave?”

Gordon “Haven’t you got the kettle on? Where’s my mid morning tea and biscuits?” (Gordon picks up the handy direct line to Batman…)

A week or so ago I saw an episode where Bruce Wayne and Dick (you know, Robin) were appearing on a morning TV show. Some fiendish being, played a trick of some sort on the presenter of the show rendering him speechless. He was promptly carted off. Bruce (you know, Batman), covered the microphones with his hands and informed Dick that Commissioner Gordon watches this show, he was sure to be on the phone. With that in mind, they got up and left. Sure enough as they entered Wayne Mansions, The Commissioner was on the phone. That is the Commissioner, who spends his busy mornings watching a chat TV show instead of managing the police force. It is so serious that when Batman is not around he doesn’t know what to do, just like on this clip here (worth it for the expression on his face when he realises he has to do some work):

The good thing is Batman and Robin are equipped for any situation. Forget for a moment that they have only lap belts in a rocket powered car, as can be seen here.

No need for shoulder straps with the Rocket assisted car?

Or that they have to label everything like two old men with Alzheimer’s trying to navigate their kitchen (frequently with signs longer than the item).

What does this do again?

Or that whilst climbing walls to solve a crime, they don’t seem to be in a hurry and frequently stop for conversation, as can be seen here:

Because they have gadgets like this… Attacked by a shark, don’t worry, hand me the Shark repellant:

They have so many gadgets that they are covered for almost any situation. Check out how long this list is here (hint: it is far too long to copy and paste here). Anyone who has watched the show, will know they are capable of getting out of any kind of dodgy situation they are tied up in.

Erm… I’m not sure what is going on here

And are more than capable of dealing with this lot:

Anyone for a Halloween party?

See Easy, no need for Police any more. On the other hand, me just need sleep. Perhaps like this bear after being unfortunate enough to stumble upon, and have a go at, the Hulk. Watch what happens to him.

Me thinks he has a headache.

Actually it just dawned on me that Commissioner Gordon isn’t the dumbest, but the smartest commissioner ever. He has a job where he has to do nothing, gets to watch tv, and eat tea and biscuits all day. I think I might be the fool. Look at what happened to Gotham after he left:

A sunny day in Gotham?

Lexicon word of the day: inerrant.

Monday Haiku and what I learned this weekend – 02 April 2012

I could do with a PS3 like this one:

Monday time and that means Haiku. Todays word prompts like the last two weeks, originate from a couple of things from the weekend. They are

  1. Medical test – I had a small thing regarding some new insurance.
  2. ice-cream – I try and avoid ice-cream during the week, but on the weekend…
  3. PS3 – Had a bit of a lark around on the PS3 this weekend after not touching it for a few weeks. Personally I find it fun from time to time, it’s a good change of context.

So here we go:

Jab in the Needle

take a small vial of my blood

test tells a small tale

Nothing that interesting that one, but not the worst.

When the weekend comes

A tale of ice-cream is told

eating my desire

Ok I like ice-cream. What can I do?

Oh come on, get in

Lazy me on PS3

exercise my thumbs

Ok I could have mentioned a specific game there. Actually I think I will. I’ve been playing NHL 12 and Batman Arkham Asylum (I had finished the newer Batman Arkham city some weeks back – That makes me sound like a games nerd. I’m not really, there are few games I play.) Bonus Haiku, coming up:

Attack from shadows

Batman move you moron you

beat up those armed thugs

Ok, probably should have left that one. Things I learned this weekend:

  • A small change of perspective from one character to another can make a story idea come together
  • Elise Jordan (you can look her up) is well intentioned, but an idiot. On Bill Maher’s Realtime this las friday she ranted that the US does not need a medical system like the UK’s NHS. Her two examples 1) Look at the teeth, there are people having to pull their own teeth out with Pliers! Really? I of any of my friends, or even their friends, are not aware of a single person that has ever done this. My experience living in the UK was to visit every six months for checkup and clean. I’ve never needed a removal or filling. 2) That if you get breast cancer there is a much higher chance of dying from it in the UK than the current system in the US. This probably says more about how the UK needs to be more up and aware of diagnosis of breast cancer than the treatment itself. I can speak from experience with my own family as to whether the treatment itself is good enough. – None of her points really picked up any decent analysis. The NHS is not perfect but on the most part it works. It does not stop you getting private medical cover for speedier service or private care, should you require it. Also if your son breaks his leg, he will be taken to hospital given the treatment and dispatched again for further care etc, as and when required. He will not be asked about medical insurance (or even given a bill) for treatment, nor sent a bill for the ambulance picking him up. Nor will he face years of debt for any costs not covered by the medical insurance, assuming he has insurance cover.
  • Even though I have read book two (A clash of kings), I’m still amazed how much I was looking forward to what HBO did with it. It was pretty good.
  • LFC can lose six of the last seven league games. And get their goalkeeper sent off. The league form since the turn of the year has been terrible. Does winning the Carling cup a month ago make up for this? I suppose it does. They are in the semi finals of the FA cup so there is a slim chance they may win that as well. I should probably emphasis slim on this form.
Have a fun week.

Lexicon word of the day: interstice.